Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The Philosophic Me :)
If anyone happens to be reading this and has already read my previous post, I apologize for being totally philosophic... or rather trying hard to be philosophic. If it made sense to you, good for you. In case it did not make sense to you, better still as you dont have to think too much like I tried to. Once in a while, I get into that state where whatever you try to write or say, comes out completely as a fully loaded philosophic statement. I am just warning anyone reading my blog before hand that reading my blog can be injurious to health... Either you think a lot or you find it totally irrelavant and useless that you cease to think at all... so read any of my posts at your own risk. Thats a statutory warning for you :)
Sometimes Sweet! Sometimes Bitter!!
Why are there so many extremities in life...? Why cant things be simple...Why should people be hell bent on complicating things in their lives and in the lives of others? Everytime you think God My life sucks and is so damn complicated you realise that as days go by, the complication grows to an extent where you think and think and when you are tired with all the thinking and almost give up, that is when you see a ray of hope. A ray of hope from nowhere, giving you the warmth that you need amidst all the turbulence, giving you that hope that things might change for all you know and things may take a completely new turn to help you overcome the situation and relax. Things just seem to be a little relaxed, when again, you will have to get ready for another roller-coaster ride... I guess that is how life is and we will be a fool not to accept that and move on with the new set of complications in life.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Why are men so difficult??
Men...They call us complex beings but the truth is they are the most complex creature on the face of this world!! I am not an expert when it comes to guys but I have had the opportunity to befriend many and have had my share of exactly a couple of relationships. Men are great as friends but when the whole friendship line moves on to be a little more, there begins all chaos. Its like one is waiting for Dooms Day :) However, having said all this they are amazing people who know exactly how to wipe you completely off your feet.
Sometimes we end up thinking how sad life is without having a person to call your own or to lean on. Someone who will be there for you and with you no matter what happens. We all grow up with a great deal of imagination about how life will be and how you will find your Mr. Right and so on... But the fact is there is no Mr. Right. What we perceive as right may not be right when it comes to reality. We just have to learn to accept them as they are and try to adjust ourselves to have a life with them.
I was of the opinion that women have the ability to make a man change with all her love. Give him as much as you can and make him turn a new leaf to help lead a peaceful life. Trust me men never change. It took me 7 long years to learn that and by the time I realised it I was at the end of my wits to take anymore. This lead me calling off something that had lasted for more than half a decade. I then thought life is better off without the so called male species.
However, as fate would have it, ended up with this amazing person, who was there to help me when I needed help the most. A shoulder I used to cry on, yes I needed a shoulder to depend on when I made a call to break away from the past. A person whom I could trust with my heart and soul, a person whom I knew would be with me come what may and one who cared a lot and made sure I was safe at every juncture in life. He was or rather is my best friend. We work together and therefore ended up spending a lot of time together not only during the week but also during the weekends. We liked each others company. He was a person with whom I could talk anything under the sun and vise versa. We used to talk for hours together each day and I truly relished his company. The one thing that made him stand apart from my other friends is that the others would never stop me from feeling depressed over my past, they would merely empathize, whereas he was a person who would tell me stop being the pain that I am and stop complaining about things in life. He was a person who had gone through enough of troubles in life and was hurt at each juncture in life and he never complained. This made me feel little in front of him. Having gone through so much in life, I have never seen him crib about his past.
He was always blunt in telling me stuff, never minced words, no flowery words. Everything was point blank with him except for one thing (which I will talk about later). He cared a lot about me and I liked the attention I received. I used to look forward to weekends so that I get more time with him. He was a great friend (he still is). He is a person I knew I could go to at any point in time in life. This is something that mattered most to me.
Being a single child brought up by a single parent, things werent all that rosy for me. I had to learn everything in life the hard way more so by trial and error methods. I was brought up by my mom who was a brave woman. She could handle the whole world and a lot of problems with a brave facade. But it was not easy for her as it is difficult for a single woman to bring up a baby girl in this world. She had to go through a lot of troubles and she would try her level best to keep me and her parents happy no matter what. However, she had her own week moments where she would come back home and cry about her woes. I had to be supportive and therefore, would never vent out my frustrations or my emotional needs in front of my mom. I was and still am a pillar in front of my mom, who would listen to all her emotional calls.
However, I was a very emotional person myself and therefore needed to depend on. This is why I got into my first relationship as I received the warmth and care. It really felt nice at that point in time to be taken care of instead of you taking care of other people all the time. I was looking for a person who could take care of me and make sure I was safe, sound and happy with him. My first relationship had left me with a lot of scars and made me feel miserable and depressed in life. My friend was the one and only person who was there to push me away from this depression stage and made me feel better even when my family got torn away into pieces with some natural calamities. He is my pillar of support. :)
It so happens that when two people of opposite sex spend a lot of time together and like each other, relate to each other and stand up for each other the bonds are tied closer. My friend and me were part of a group of other friends. But all of us were poles apart from each other, and this in turn meant that there were some who couldnt stand the others company and so on. One such person, one of my roomies, could not stand my friend and I had to stand by my friend, leading to some chaos here and there. Inspite of all that I stood by him cos I had decided that he was a friend to keep for a lifetime and wouldnt let others tarnish it no matter what. Slowly things happened, and I came to a juncture where I had to decide if the relationship should be stopped at just friendship or if there was more to it than it appears to be. Thats when I realised that we had moved a long way and things can never be just friendship and the only thing I could do was pretend that we are just friends and move on with life. But I couldnt allow myself to deceive myself or my friendship to that extent.
We decided to confront each other with the issue, thats when I realised that my friend had a huge phobia of committing cos of the scars his past had left on him. But I was persistent, we decided not to put our friendship at stake and take things relationship-wise as and when things surfaced. Time flew and we continued as friends. There were many a times when he was totally mean to me and used to get mad at me for no fault of mine (at times). But I had decided to act mature and stick on to him atleast as a friend. I was ok with letting things just be the way it was, letting go of my ego and tried to mould myself in his world. I started to know his friends, became friends with them and realised that they were as amazing as friends as he was. Things however could not be kept quiet and hidden for a long time as my mom as a normal single parent would started pressurising me to get married and settle down in life. I started resenting whatever she said, started to move away from her cos I couldnt handle the expectations. I then had to bring it up again to make the coward realise that he couldnt be chicken anymore. He had to decide and he had to decide soon. Because I knew for a fact that he did not think of me as just his friend. Our relationship was a lot more than that. There were times when he couldnt help but fall, there were times when I could not help but fall... But at the end we decided that we would decide on what is to be done within a given time frame... and we did. :)
Sometimes we end up thinking how sad life is without having a person to call your own or to lean on. Someone who will be there for you and with you no matter what happens. We all grow up with a great deal of imagination about how life will be and how you will find your Mr. Right and so on... But the fact is there is no Mr. Right. What we perceive as right may not be right when it comes to reality. We just have to learn to accept them as they are and try to adjust ourselves to have a life with them.
I was of the opinion that women have the ability to make a man change with all her love. Give him as much as you can and make him turn a new leaf to help lead a peaceful life. Trust me men never change. It took me 7 long years to learn that and by the time I realised it I was at the end of my wits to take anymore. This lead me calling off something that had lasted for more than half a decade. I then thought life is better off without the so called male species.
However, as fate would have it, ended up with this amazing person, who was there to help me when I needed help the most. A shoulder I used to cry on, yes I needed a shoulder to depend on when I made a call to break away from the past. A person whom I could trust with my heart and soul, a person whom I knew would be with me come what may and one who cared a lot and made sure I was safe at every juncture in life. He was or rather is my best friend. We work together and therefore ended up spending a lot of time together not only during the week but also during the weekends. We liked each others company. He was a person with whom I could talk anything under the sun and vise versa. We used to talk for hours together each day and I truly relished his company. The one thing that made him stand apart from my other friends is that the others would never stop me from feeling depressed over my past, they would merely empathize, whereas he was a person who would tell me stop being the pain that I am and stop complaining about things in life. He was a person who had gone through enough of troubles in life and was hurt at each juncture in life and he never complained. This made me feel little in front of him. Having gone through so much in life, I have never seen him crib about his past.
He was always blunt in telling me stuff, never minced words, no flowery words. Everything was point blank with him except for one thing (which I will talk about later). He cared a lot about me and I liked the attention I received. I used to look forward to weekends so that I get more time with him. He was a great friend (he still is). He is a person I knew I could go to at any point in time in life. This is something that mattered most to me.
Being a single child brought up by a single parent, things werent all that rosy for me. I had to learn everything in life the hard way more so by trial and error methods. I was brought up by my mom who was a brave woman. She could handle the whole world and a lot of problems with a brave facade. But it was not easy for her as it is difficult for a single woman to bring up a baby girl in this world. She had to go through a lot of troubles and she would try her level best to keep me and her parents happy no matter what. However, she had her own week moments where she would come back home and cry about her woes. I had to be supportive and therefore, would never vent out my frustrations or my emotional needs in front of my mom. I was and still am a pillar in front of my mom, who would listen to all her emotional calls.
However, I was a very emotional person myself and therefore needed to depend on. This is why I got into my first relationship as I received the warmth and care. It really felt nice at that point in time to be taken care of instead of you taking care of other people all the time. I was looking for a person who could take care of me and make sure I was safe, sound and happy with him. My first relationship had left me with a lot of scars and made me feel miserable and depressed in life. My friend was the one and only person who was there to push me away from this depression stage and made me feel better even when my family got torn away into pieces with some natural calamities. He is my pillar of support. :)
It so happens that when two people of opposite sex spend a lot of time together and like each other, relate to each other and stand up for each other the bonds are tied closer. My friend and me were part of a group of other friends. But all of us were poles apart from each other, and this in turn meant that there were some who couldnt stand the others company and so on. One such person, one of my roomies, could not stand my friend and I had to stand by my friend, leading to some chaos here and there. Inspite of all that I stood by him cos I had decided that he was a friend to keep for a lifetime and wouldnt let others tarnish it no matter what. Slowly things happened, and I came to a juncture where I had to decide if the relationship should be stopped at just friendship or if there was more to it than it appears to be. Thats when I realised that we had moved a long way and things can never be just friendship and the only thing I could do was pretend that we are just friends and move on with life. But I couldnt allow myself to deceive myself or my friendship to that extent.
We decided to confront each other with the issue, thats when I realised that my friend had a huge phobia of committing cos of the scars his past had left on him. But I was persistent, we decided not to put our friendship at stake and take things relationship-wise as and when things surfaced. Time flew and we continued as friends. There were many a times when he was totally mean to me and used to get mad at me for no fault of mine (at times). But I had decided to act mature and stick on to him atleast as a friend. I was ok with letting things just be the way it was, letting go of my ego and tried to mould myself in his world. I started to know his friends, became friends with them and realised that they were as amazing as friends as he was. Things however could not be kept quiet and hidden for a long time as my mom as a normal single parent would started pressurising me to get married and settle down in life. I started resenting whatever she said, started to move away from her cos I couldnt handle the expectations. I then had to bring it up again to make the coward realise that he couldnt be chicken anymore. He had to decide and he had to decide soon. Because I knew for a fact that he did not think of me as just his friend. Our relationship was a lot more than that. There were times when he couldnt help but fall, there were times when I could not help but fall... But at the end we decided that we would decide on what is to be done within a given time frame... and we did. :)
Monday, June 18, 2007
About Me
I am a person who is normally content with the way life takes me. Being born a cusp I am always caught in between extreme characteristics, either I love too much or I hate too much. It has always been a problem for me to draw the line in the middle so that I balance out things in life. I was born and brought up in Chennai, the place where my heart truly belongs. I lived all my life in Chennai and never thought I would move out from that beautiful city. People might not agree to the beautiful city part. However, I truly believe that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholders and I think its one really beautiful city with the amazing coastal line, seashore and the various shopping malls and all the exciting places to visit. I cant think of one thing that my city lacks. It is just one amazing heaven on earth to live in. I know I am biased towards my city. But who cares? I love the place and have no qualms what so ever agreeing. I am pretty sure any native Chennaite would agree to what I have just said.
I had lived all my life in Chennai. I was a pampered kid in my family where I had the liberty to do what I wanted. However, I was a person who did not know what to do with the freedom I had at that point in time. I did my schooling from two different kinds of institutions one an Anglo -Indian, Christian missionary school (Presentation Convent) and the other a totally Hindu based school (Montford) both of which are located in Perambur, Chennai. I did not have a great school life that is worth recollecting here, other than a few people worth mentioning here. I used to stay pretty far away from school and therefore had to take a bus to school. But I somehow preferred to pedal 9 kms up and 9kms down each day rather than take the bus. It was loads of fun doing that with a group of friends. I was one of the kids who wanted to have as much as I can at a given point in time and got into a relationship of sorts at the age of 13 when I had no clue what it actually meant to be in a relationship. This meant that I got to grow up with this person and happened to actually fall in love with him. It was something we were open about to everyone around us including our families, who were ok with the situation. We were in this relationship for seven years before things started falling apart owing to the changes in our lives and my job at Google.
Before I talk about Google, I need to talk about my college life. I graduated from Ethiraj college for women. It happens to be the best three years of my life ever. That is when I actually got the right kind of exposure, the right kind of friends and loads of fun. I had always been this person who was not the adjustive types. I would say Ethiraj played the part of taming the shrew. :) And I owe the major part of whatever I am today to Ethiraj. I love my college and the amazing time I had there. I really wish I could go back to Ethiraj and continue as a student. :( Miss ma college.
Now to Google, I was one of the first batches to get into Google through Campus recruitment. I had never thought I would start working after my graduation. I always wanted to continue my studies and get into CIEFL. However, I thought I will just give Google a shot as they had come to my college and a classmate of mine got through. I just applied thinking I could just give it a shot. However, I was totally impressed when they told me they would be flying me down to Hyderabad and back to Chennai just for the sake of interviews. I came to the Hyderabad office (RMZ) and I found that the office was soooooooooo good. Thats when I thought maybe I should join Google and do my education from CIEFL via distance education. However, that never happened. Long stories, will keep for laterzz. So I joined Google on May 2, 2005 with 7 other people, most of whom were freshers. Everybody in my batch knew Tamil and we were called the 'Tamizh gumbal.' I still remember my first day in Google where I felt so comfortable and at home, thanks to ma buddy and to the amazing TAs like Bharath, who made work so much more easy and enjoyable. I still cant believe I have been with Google for more than two years now. Google has taught me a lot of things in life and has given me loads of friends especially to a recluse like me. :) There are people who have been such an inevitable part of life that I really cant or dont know how life will be without them. I just think its high time I tell them that they really matter to me and will always be an integral part of my life. Love you people a lot!!
So thats me bragging about me and ma school and college life and about the past two years at Google. Not bad I seemed to have written quite a lot in this one post. Hoping to write more soon.
I had lived all my life in Chennai. I was a pampered kid in my family where I had the liberty to do what I wanted. However, I was a person who did not know what to do with the freedom I had at that point in time. I did my schooling from two different kinds of institutions one an Anglo -Indian, Christian missionary school (Presentation Convent) and the other a totally Hindu based school (Montford) both of which are located in Perambur, Chennai. I did not have a great school life that is worth recollecting here, other than a few people worth mentioning here. I used to stay pretty far away from school and therefore had to take a bus to school. But I somehow preferred to pedal 9 kms up and 9kms down each day rather than take the bus. It was loads of fun doing that with a group of friends. I was one of the kids who wanted to have as much as I can at a given point in time and got into a relationship of sorts at the age of 13 when I had no clue what it actually meant to be in a relationship. This meant that I got to grow up with this person and happened to actually fall in love with him. It was something we were open about to everyone around us including our families, who were ok with the situation. We were in this relationship for seven years before things started falling apart owing to the changes in our lives and my job at Google.
Before I talk about Google, I need to talk about my college life. I graduated from Ethiraj college for women. It happens to be the best three years of my life ever. That is when I actually got the right kind of exposure, the right kind of friends and loads of fun. I had always been this person who was not the adjustive types. I would say Ethiraj played the part of taming the shrew. :) And I owe the major part of whatever I am today to Ethiraj. I love my college and the amazing time I had there. I really wish I could go back to Ethiraj and continue as a student. :( Miss ma college.
Now to Google, I was one of the first batches to get into Google through Campus recruitment. I had never thought I would start working after my graduation. I always wanted to continue my studies and get into CIEFL. However, I thought I will just give Google a shot as they had come to my college and a classmate of mine got through. I just applied thinking I could just give it a shot. However, I was totally impressed when they told me they would be flying me down to Hyderabad and back to Chennai just for the sake of interviews. I came to the Hyderabad office (RMZ) and I found that the office was soooooooooo good. Thats when I thought maybe I should join Google and do my education from CIEFL via distance education. However, that never happened. Long stories, will keep for laterzz. So I joined Google on May 2, 2005 with 7 other people, most of whom were freshers. Everybody in my batch knew Tamil and we were called the 'Tamizh gumbal.' I still remember my first day in Google where I felt so comfortable and at home, thanks to ma buddy and to the amazing TAs like Bharath, who made work so much more easy and enjoyable. I still cant believe I have been with Google for more than two years now. Google has taught me a lot of things in life and has given me loads of friends especially to a recluse like me. :) There are people who have been such an inevitable part of life that I really cant or dont know how life will be without them. I just think its high time I tell them that they really matter to me and will always be an integral part of my life. Love you people a lot!!
So thats me bragging about me and ma school and college life and about the past two years at Google. Not bad I seemed to have written quite a lot in this one post. Hoping to write more soon.
Do I Blog?
This is something that I have been wanting to do for God knows how long. I've always wanted to create a blog and start writing random thoughts that come to my mind. But I never got to get myself to write no matter what. Finally, here I am writing the first post for this blog. I hope I keep this going. I always keep wondering how people could afford spending time and energy writing random stuff on the internet where God knows who sees your personal blog. But as time goes on, and maturity dawned, I realised so what?? So what if you have to write things and people had to read, not like there are numerous things in my life that needs to be kept confidential and deemed a secret. I have always been an open book. So why not write the weird and (or) the nice things that happen in my journey of life, the random thoughts and strange things that I end up doing. Whats wrong to get things started and expressing yourself. Finally, here I am trying to write after God knows how long. I hope I haven't lost the art of writing. I hope I keep up the momentum and continue to write the abstract things and thoughts that come to my mind. Lets see how this goes...
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